What Can We All Learn From Queer Women’s Critiques Of Heterosexual Sex?

This piece explores how queer women’s diverse sexual experiences give them unique insight into the gendered dynamics of heterosexual sex, particularly around unwanted encounters. Queer women often described sexual interactions with women and non-binary partners as communicative, exploratory, and centered on mutual pleasure—experiences that helped them recognize men’s pressure, disregard for cues, and orgasm-centered expectations as violations rather than “normal” behavior. Straight women, by contrast, tended to treat their bodies as instruments for managing a sexual encounter, often prioritizing men’s pleasure over their own safety or desire. These differences also shape worldview: queer women, less invested in maintaining heterosexual relationships, were more willing to critique men, masculinity, and heterosexual norms, developing a “queer perspective” that illuminates the harms embedded in straight hookup culture. The findings point to prevention strategies such as addressing heterosexual power dynamics, creating spaces to discuss uncomfortable sexual experiences beyond the frame of “assault,” investing in non-punitive systems for accountability, and supporting queer communities whose practices of naming harm can foster healing and more empowered sexual decision-making.